I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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