I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
