Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
