Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
