She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
