Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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