i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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