The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
