nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
