Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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