is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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