small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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