dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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