Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize