Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
