I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
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Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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