it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
