If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
