I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
