he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
