end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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