had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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