I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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