God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
