McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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