Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
