How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
