Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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