phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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