ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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