forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
