i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
