good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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