i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
