He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
