someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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