I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
