She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
