Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
