And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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