After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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