The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
