I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
