my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
