sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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