wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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