I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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