I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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