dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
