I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
