Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
