I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish I only lived at night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
