I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
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If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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