Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
