Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
