Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Of course I have a pirate flag
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
