Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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