No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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