i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
