The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i think i just lost a toe
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
