i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
