I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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