I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
