Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
