sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
