I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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