When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
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Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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