she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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