You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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