So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
