anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
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I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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